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New Years Resolutions | Sebastian Wingfield

Happy 2023 everyone! :)

When it comes to New Years, the first thing that often comes to mind are resolutions, which can be a tenuous subject. There are many messages around encouraging you to change, be better, self-improve; and many others reacting against these (potentially toxic) messages encouraging you to not to change and to stay as you are.

But, isn't some self-development a good thing? What if it helps me get out of my feelings of distress? Is self-acceptance the same thing as self-satisfaction? What should we do?

It can all feel a bit confusing. Can anyone else relate?

Here's my hot take: self-acceptance is not the same things as self-satisfaction. So, I want to encourage you to do something a little different (three things actually):

  1. Observe the tension that arises from these contradictory impulses: the drive to self-develop and the drive to stay the same. Notice when it shows up for you, how often, and what your tendencies are in responding to it.

  2. Reflect on this tension. How is it for you? Is it overwhelming? Is it barely noticeable? Where does it come from? What thoughts or feelings does it bring up for me? Shame? Excitement? How much of this tension feels like "me?" What does the tension tell me about what I actually want for myself?

  3. Finally, rather than releasing tension, by going all in on either self-development or staying the same, I want to encourage you to allow the tension to stay there. To recognize that it is fundamentally human to be in dialogue with the past and future-- with self-improvement and self-satisfaction. To allow the tension to speak to me and help me form a more personal position on how to move forward.

No matter how you move forward, we are here to walk through it with you.

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